Julie's Story: Learning in the Losing

After seven blissful years of marriage with two amazing kids, we had built our dream house, had a six-figure income and then…BOOM. The unexpected happened. The economy that had flourished in our NC mountain town began to decline due to rising gas prices, and then took a sharp turn south when the entire country went into a severe economic depression. We put the house on the market, sold everything down to one car, and prayed like everyone else that everything would bounce back.

Unfortunately for many, including us, it didn’t. We lost our businesses, our house, and while this was happening, both of my parents were battling cancer. It was a time I will never forget. You don’t easily forget the nice, elderly man that had to come to your house multiple times to collect what was past due on the light bill.

Many people ask me how we manage to get through that season in one piece. How did you survive? How are we still married? How did you go on? God. No other reason but God. Was it excruciating? Yes. Was I angry and confused? Most days. Did God ever leave me? Never.

On those days when it hurt too badly to even utter what I needed to pray for, He was there. On the day we moved out of our house, He was there. On the days that each of my parents passed away, He was there. He. Was. There…while I was learning through the losing. The loss of our income, the loss of our house, the loss of my comfortable and secure lifestyle, the loss of my father, the loss of my mother, the loss of my unborn child.

God tells us in James 4:8 to “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” So, I did. Not in a beautiful, loving, southern Christian girl kind of way. More like a gut-wrenching, squalling kind of way. And, you know what? He can handle it. He can handle our messes. He can handle our pain. While I wouldn’t wish that sequence of events on anyone, when all of the “stuff” is stripped away and your lens is colored with losing your parents to cancer, you find out where your joy comes from. A joy that can only come from God! When the world around you is crumbling and He still shows you that you are blessed and that He will provide everything you need and proves it to you. That’s the kind of God I want. The One that can make beauty from ashes. The One that gives strength to the weary. The One that helps you learn while you are losing.

However…while I was losing, at least in the world’s eyes, I was gaining. I was gaining a trust in God like I never had before. I was learning to take up my cross daily and follow Him. I was leaning into Him and relying on Him for my every breath at times. Since my husband did not have any work at the time, we were able to help take care of my father for the last two months of his life at home.

I was gaining…God then called my husband into a job that meant he would travel nine to ten months of the year. We began homeschooling and traveling up and down the east coast as a family for four years.

I was gaining…when we decided to grow our family and I miscarried at ten weeks. I was lost and confused, yet God allowed me to accept it and be content in a new way.

I was gaining…due to the loss of our home and our new life of travel, we lived with my mother when we were home. When she was diagnosed with recurrent breast cancer, we were able to be there to care for her during her last six months.

We were gaining…God’s plans are much bigger than our own. I treasure the time I spent with my parents, who were my spiritual rocks. I treasure the time I spent with my family on the road. If He had not allowed us to go through these painful experience we would have never made the choices to leave our comfortable lifestyle surrounded by our friends and family in our perfect little mountain town. He had to orchestrate these events to get us out of our comfort zone and allow Him to lead us. My faith has grown exponentially in the past eight years. Many times, I crave for those moments, however excruciating they were, when I felt so close to God that I imagined Him sitting on the couch beside me. The ultimate truth He revealed to me is that when it is all stripped away, the only things that matter are your relationship with Christ and your relationships with others. That’s it.

Now, years later, we have recovered financially, my husband is more fulfilled in his new career than he ever was before, and He has allowed me to use our experiences to encourage others during difficult times.

James 1:2-4 (MSG) tells us to “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”

I am not claiming to be mature and well-developed, and I am still deficient in many ways, but through our tests and challenges, I know now that God will be there when they come. Even when you feel like He’s not fair and you don’t understand, He is always working things for good to those who love Him. God wants us in a place where we have to rely on Him. Many times these life experiences are the only way He can get us to that place. The place where you are learning in the losing. My friend, He has proven Himself over and over. He can and will do the same for you. Just give Him a chance. What have you got to lose?

Wife to an amazing husband of 15 years and homeschooling mom of two girls. Lover of worship, travel, books, and Jesus. My passion is for every woman to truly see their worth in the eyes of God. Oh, how He loves us...