When Your Holidays are More Muck than Merry

I want to treasure the holiday season for the gift that is is instead of just pushing through another season, I want to be joyful! 

And yet, this year is a STRUGGLE! The holidays have always been tough for me so I put on a happy face and run to the finish line. But not this time, I can’t make myself do it. I refuse to put on a fake smile and go through the motions just praying for the season to end. Instead of stuffing down all of the sadness and unrest, I am choosing to sit in the muck and sort it out. 

I imagine it to be a bit like checking the strands of Christmas lights before they are placed on the tree. We plug each strand in to make sure they are all merry and bright; when we find any that are burnt out, dim, or missing bulbs, we repair them or replace them with new ones.

As I go through this season, I am doing just that. I am being intentional about processing ALL of the feelings; the good, the bad and the ugly. Asking lots of questions. What about this brings me JOY? What just took place to make me feel sad? Why am I choosing to disengage from this interaction? Then, I take the responses and decide what to do with them. 

I have set boundaries in relationships, scrapped a few traditions and said “no” to many things I would usually give an obligatory “yes” to. I have been conscious about the things that I give my time and mental space to and spend extra time in God’s word. It has been a grueling process as I have navigated unmet expectations and hard truths but IT IS WORKING!  Next year is sure to be filled with authentic Yuletide cheer!